Each of us has an unpleasant memory of snoring. Whether it’s Dad’s buzz-saw on family vacation, or your girlfriend’s grizzly bear imitation each night, snoring keeps us awake for hours on end and prevents us from getting the rest we need to be our best the next day.
As a result of the stress and fatigue, snoring can put strain on a relationship, such as:
After a few weeks of tossing and turning while your husband wails away like a Mack truck, you may decide that sleeping alone is better than not sleeping at all. While you might be getting more rest, the impact on your love life and the quality time before sleep stresses the connection and wears it down. Perhaps you’re the snorer, you might feel embarrassed and ashamed. That doesn’t help either.
The Morning After Fight
Sleep deprivation is a serious problem. It leads to anger and clouded judgment. Keep your perspective and deal with the snoring, not the snorer.
Both partners must address the issue. If one feels that the other is doing all work (head-phones, C-PAP machines, etc.), then real separation and bitterness can seep into the bind between you. Communication and consensus can mover your relationship beyond the tough times.
Relationships matter to all of us. Take care of the snoring and get some rest. Use the process to come closer together and enjoy a good night’s sleep.
Talking about Snoring
How can I talk to my partner who snores? Snoring can be a very sensitive subject. Throw in some sleep deprivation and shame over the issue, and you’ve got a recipe for conflict. Take time to consider the other person’s feelings when broaching the subject.
The process of dealing with the issue can bring you closer together, or drive you apart. How you deal with things will likely determine the outcome.
- Pick the appropriate moment
After a night with little or no sleep, first-thing in the morning is not the best time to talk. Stay away from times when you are trying to sleep or when you’ve just woke up.
- Remember they can’t always control it
Remind yourself that you’re both victims and you each need to contribute to the solution.
- Freaking out never works
Yes, you’re tired, but a calm and rational approach will give you the best chance for success.
- Keep the discussion about the snoring
Under stress, it’s easy to include the snoring issue into the mix of other difficulties in the relationship. Stay on task while talking, and don’t use it as a weapon to get your way.
- Laugh with, not at
Humor can be a way of deflecting or easing the tension in the talk. Don’t mock the other person, just stay light and easy when talking.
When Others Complain about Your Snoring
Most people who snore don’t realize the impact it has on others. So when someone is frustrated enough to talk about it, it can be stressful and embarrassing. It’s easy to get dismissive or defensive when confronted on the issue. Take time to set down and have a respectful conversation about the snoring. Don’t be afraid to explain your struggle and advocate for yourself.
Here are some tips to deal with people who complain about your snoring:
- Remember, snoring is a physiological issue, not a choice
Just like getting hurt or being sick, snoring is not something people choose. But like those other issues, there are remedies to address it.
- Don’t be too sensitive
The issue that your partner has is with the snoring, not with you. Keep your perspective on the issue, not the person.
- Make sure you really listen
Don’t be defensive or dismissive. Tune into your partner’s feelings and empathize with their frustrations. They are tired and drained, and they need solutions.
- Put the relationship first
Remind yourself that you and your partner want the best for each other and keep reminding yourself of that truth.
- Maintain healthy boundaries
Yes, your partner is tired and frustrated, but don’t be a doormat or put up with annoying behavior as they attempt to deal with the problem in an unhealthy way.